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Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents Kindle Edition
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If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life.
In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life.
Discover the four types of difficult parents:
- The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
- The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
- The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
- The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory
About the Author
Marguerite Gavin is a seasoned theater veteran, a five-time nominee for the prestigious Audie Award, and the winner of numerous AudioFile Earphones and Publishers Weekly awards. Marguerite has been an actor, director, and audiobook narrator for her entire professional career, and has over four hundred titles to her credit. --This text refers to the audioCD edition.
- ASIN : B00TZE87S4
- Publisher : New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (1 June 2015)
- Language : English
- File size : 1584 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 218 pages
- Page numbers source ISBN : 1626251703
- Best Sellers Rank: 1,761 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
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Top reviews from Australia
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But then, rather organically, I let go of that. My experience transformed from rejection to acceptance, as very quickly, I found myself being read like a book by the book.
I wished for more of being heard, understood and advised by the loveable tone Gibson applied consistently throughout the writing of ACEIP.
Just weeks before encountering this read, I was faced with a major family struggle of my own, where I fear for loss of integrity as a result of suspending contact with my biological parents and step-parents. Removing fake friends is easily a norm for anyone, unchallenged by today's world. But I pondered the appropriateness of this particular removal and thought I ought to be shocked at my own behaviour, in theory. Except I was NOT.
In fact, not at all, after feeding on great affirmation provided by ACEIP. Why fall back into the dark place I walked too many miles and exhausted too many school years to come out of?
Reading ACEIP, one highlight of my inner landscape change is coming to the realisation that my upbringing was never unique and I haven't given myself credit for being a survivor of the toxicity and dysfunction that is my family. It was also with great sense of reassurance unearthing the fact that suspending contact with emotionally immature parents who are incapable of change actually mitigates what would otherwise become wasteful use of time and energy for both ends. My intent now to approach all family matters as I would with every financial transaction puts my mind at ease. This is especially true knowing that I am only indebted to them for certain financial transactions (literally), and designing financial strategies to cover some of their expenditures perfectly falls in line with my vision of maturity awareness approach, for it literally honours the debt (with interest), takes emotions out of the equation, rendering the situation manageable for them as well as myself. This approach borrows from the realm of knowledge and practicality I am already confident with, AND meets their mode of reception. In addition, there is also the option of engaging the services of a lawyer and a tax accountant in administering all loose ends. The contractual relationship therewithin suffices in bringing financial complications to closure whilst my life continues undisrupted.
Yes, ideally, a child should never have to grow up taking on such emotionless coping mechanisms against her parents.
But the many readers out there like myself, and maybe Gibson too, would recognise merits of my approach.
Perhaps when the worst part of a battle was already handled, a formal closure merely merged in due subsequence and naturally felt no emotional attachment?
I envisage a movement or two in the future though, however remote the possibility may be. Picture a movement that shall attract robust discussions and present challenges to those who wish to become parents - a movement that asks the question IF any human being shall obtain a parenting licence prior to parenting. If our laws prohibit professionals from giving financial advice, operating on patients, providing legal services without passing the fitness test in each respective field, what then makes it acceptable for anyone to become parents, qualification unassessed? Especially considering that a significant number of cases of mental illness and many societal complications today is deeply rooted in dysfunctional families where parents failed themselves as much as their children?
(To think, even animal shelters assess prospective adopting/fostering parents in determining their ability to provide the love and care which the animals deserve. )
But most of all its breathtakingly spot on in describing my parents' behaviour and my coping mechanisms, my vulnerabilities, and struggles. It felt so good that someone understood and saw it! An unlooked-for bonus was for the first time being able to explain the behaviour of a destructive and rejecting sibling, affirming my difficult choice recently to suspend contact.
There were many passages where I felt as though the author was describing me or them exactly. It's insightful but it is also very caring and empathetic too, making me feel validated for my past choices, while also showing me how to help myself let go of past patterns of behaviour that keep defeating me.
This book affirms the path I've taken but has also given me ideas and practices to keep going towards realising a full and happy life. Thank you to the author Lindsay Gibson, I'm so grateful to you for this book!
Top reviews from other countries
This book helped me understand at long last why my childhood felt like one long nightmare even though there was no obvious trauma. And that’s because of emotional neglect. Neither of my parents were able to care emotionally for me and now I know why and what to do about it.
I’m so grateful for this book and I urge anyone who wonders why they felt so lonely as a child to check it out and see if they too might have had an emotionally immature parent. Then the healing can really begin and life will be so much better.
And I probably highlighted half of this book. It completely resonated with me, and gave a name to my parents’ limitations. They are otherwise nice people, but I just can’t be open with them; I can’t trust them with things that really matter to me, because they don’t have the emotional maturity to handle it with care.
If your childhood feels like a distant blur, if you are inclined to make apologies for your parents, but honestly can’t remember having an open relationship with them, if you feel empty or alone in your family, you OWE IT TO YOURSELF to read this book. You do. You deserve to heal.